Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Role Play

Lately the twins are having fun playing dress up and pretend. It is usually Hannah being a princess and Gabe is the prince, but I always get the titel of the evil queen, or Malificent from Sleeping Beauty. So today I finally asked Hannah, "Why do you always make me the mean queen?" To which she answered. "Because you are mean mommy." Ouch!!!! I hope she really doesn't feel that way. I love them anyway and I will gladly play the role of the Mean Queen if it means playing with my kids.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Loney Days

I am sure I am not alone though at times it feels that way. But does anyone else have days where you just feel so isolated as a mom and like no one else is going through what you are? Like you live in this world all by yourself and the days run together and there is no big changes but just the day in and day out stuff that seems to just ware at your soul. I love my kids but I hate feeling so a lone.
I got to MOPS but I feel on the outside there too. Not really connecting to anyone in a deep way like I want to. And everyone seems to be in such different stages.
I don't see anyone outside of church or MOPS and the time is so short for both that it leaves me feeling still so empty.
I know I will look back on these days and long for my little ones and I love them so much, it is just such a different part of life, being a stay at home mom. And no one really ever talks about the day to day stuff that seems to at least wear me out and down and leave me feeling so empty.
I long for quiet and I hardly ever get it. I forget what it feels like to go out and not have mommy guilt or be watching the clock so I am home in time for the baby. Which of course really ruins the entire point of getting away in the first place. Plus they come around only 2 times a month if that and I am so worn out by then. Oh I don't know. I sound so negative but I just feel so lost some days wondering who I am anymore and when do my needs count for anything. I mean some days I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the women looking back at me at all.